Life Just Hit Us

Life Just Hits Us.

I don’t know when life just hits us, but it does at just one point of our lives. It’s as if in this maze of life, we finally hit a wall and feel like we wasted all the time we had just going the wrong way.

Sometimes it just feels like yesterday being kids playing hide and seek or just running around on school fields during recess. It couldn’t be that long being those kids who played played Pokemon games, collected Yugioh cards, spun Bey-blades around, played with barbies, or whatever we did back then, could it?

But then why does it seem like a life time ago now? When did it all just become a memory? When did we all grow up no longer in the realm of imagination facing monsters created through our creativity to now in the realm of realism where the monsters are real in the form of strangers, friends, family, and ourselves.

I mean doesn’t it seem like life played a cruel trick on us? Making us want to grow up as fast as possible to just hitting us all at once, wanting us to go back to when we were younger…where we were safe behind our naivety and innocence.

Can someone please tell me, when did life just hit us?

All Figured out

I wonder how many people have me all figured out. If all those people who see me realize that not every smile means that I’m happy, that not every tear can be explained even by myself,  and that even when it looks like my life looks so planned out that I’m still in a state of being lost and confused. 

Do my family, friends, or even strangers have me figured out yet? Can they see past that wall that I have created, the act that I’m playing out, and the mask that I have put on to see what I’m really hiding? Who else out there, other than myself, comes close to knowing how I feel, how I think, and what I believe in? Or will anyone ever completely figure me out?

It's scary how fast we grow up

We grow up so fast that it’s truly terrifying. Memories that just seem like yesterday in actuality are ones that have taken place years ago. And we can look back at the pictures that were once taken of us and only see a stranger of the person of who we once were smiling back. The truth is, I think it’s difficult for anyone to fully understand how we became the person we are today.  We realize that life has been such a blur that it has become a titanic task to even remember this journey we took from being these young faces to being older. 

And as we become old in life, things gets taken from us. And we only learn this as we start losing things that we never ever really believed was possible to lose. We learn that we end up losing and drifting away from more friends than you ever wanted to. We learn that death comes unexpectedly to make our worlds come crashing down, taking someone you never could possibly imagine being away from your life. We learn that strangers you never saw coming have this ability to come in swiftly only to disappear with a piece of your heart; a thief that you probably will never be able to catch. Dreams that inspired us to our best become shattered or replaced only instantly.

And we change. We do things we never thought we would end up doing. We go through hardships and moments of such difficulties that you once swore could of only been thought up in dramatic movies and novels. We meet people and lose people that changes everything…literally everything. And we get caught in crossroads, where there is really no right or wrong path to take, but a choice affecting your entire future that is left up to a gamble. It’s scary how fast we grow up. How once upon a time, our lives were only just beginning and now here we are a couple chapters in with no turning back.

Can’t Sleep.

Do you know those nights where you just can’t sleep? It’s as if the moment you just want to close your eyes is the time where your mind feels like it’s the best opportunity to begin racing with thoughts, memories, and ideas. As you try searching for an off switch, you realize that there may not even be one and you will just have to deal with another restless night. And for few hours, you become a philosopher as you questioning the meaning of life and why the world is the way it is. You become a storyteller as you come up with creative scenarios in your head that may never occur. You become a historian as you able to remember your past while missing or regretting it. In this insomniac time, you lie wide awake trying to figure out your life when all you want to do is to stop thinking.

And the weirdest thing is how alone we feel during these moments. How it feels like we’re the only one awake as people a dreaming in another realm. But truth is, those nights that we can’t sleep, there is someone else out there too. There is someone driving the empty roads hoping that it will bring some clarity. There is someone who is on the internet, listening to music, or watching TV as they are hoping it will take their minds of the things they don’t want to think about. And there is someone like you, just laying in bed thinking. Letting their mind race with their deepest thoughts. At the darkness of night, thousands of souls are awake with you…not being able to sleep.

Heart-to-Heart

I love having hearts-to-hearts or deep conversation with friends. Whether the conversation lasts only a few minutes or lasts hours, you see sides of people that you rarely see. And for that moment, the facade that people wear each day is taken down and you hear what people really think and feel. You even get surprised about about the amount of insight they have about the world, love, death, or whatever you end up talking about. You even realize how little you know about someone you thought you knew so much about when they decide to share personal stories or secrets.
It goes to show how so many of us go through each day really just hiding a huge part of ourselves. And for at least one conversation, it’s cool to see this whole other side come out that seems to represent who we truly are inside.

Battles of Insomnia

I don’t understand how you can smile all day long but cry yourself to sleep at night. How pictures never change but the people in them do. How your best friend can become your worst enemy, or how strange it is when your worst enemy turns into your best friend.
How forever turns into a few short months, that you’d do almost anything to get back. How you can let go of something you once said you couldn’t live without. How even though you know something is best for you, it hurts just the same.
How the people who once wanted to spend every second with you, think a few minutes of their time is just too much to spare. How people make promises despite knowing how common it is for promises to be broken.
How people can erase you from their lives just because it’s easier than working things out.

Strangers of the past

Have you ever looked at old photographs that were hidden away and concealed within boxes and albums, covered in dust as indication of how it has been untouched for years? As you stare at images of the distant past, you see no longer recognizable faces staring and smiling back at you, unknowingly to them that moment that they would be one day forgotten by you.
And you have to wonder, how many of these nameless faces and ghosts of your past truly influenced your life? Maybe they were your former classmates or teachers that you would admire or talk to for hours only to be forgotten when you moved to different classes or schools. Or could they have been your childhood friends that you thought you would friends forever with only for that never to happen. It’s even possible that the face you no longer remember was someone who managed to change you perspectives and beliefs so dramatically that they forever changed the course of your life. These faces…these strangers you see in those old photographs could of been old crushes, old friends, forgotten family members, or truly just strangers who were just part of life for just a click of a picture.
These people are the strangers of your past. They don’t just walk into your life, but become part of it only to sneakily step out of it without notice as you guys walk in different paths. These strangers I talk about don’t remain intact in your memories like others, but none the less they just as important to who you are. And as you have these strangers from the past, you are a stranger to the past of others who have forgotten about you. And maybe, you will walk past these faces on the street one day, not stopping for each other because you no longer no them…and becoming actual strangers.

Change

We face the unexpected by having to say goodbye to the people we always thought was going to be part of our future. Death, distance, fights, and broken hearts leave us in a state of depression and shock as people we loved suddenly disappear from our lives. The places we have become so familiar with becomes just a memory as we go from high school, to college, to finding new jobs and moving to new cities. And when we look in the mirror, we will see a much different person that we once thought we were from the past. We will be scared and broken by challenges and hardships we never saw coming but had to face. And we will also be more matured by the lessons that we have learnt and possibly even happier by the dreams and people that entered our lives; changing it for the better.

Time won’t ever stop and things will forever be changing. Chances are we won’t ever get use to it and completely happy with it. And as much we wish to be stuck in the past, especially in difficult times, we should remember that everything and everyone that was part of our lives is still with us through memories and has help shaped who we have become. Things change; new memories will be created, new people will be met, and new experience will be had. Cherish and enjoy every second before the next thing changes in life...

Drifting

Have you ever looked at an old photograph of yourself and wondered where that person who was beside you is now? Or have you ever just thought about the past and remembered those memories were shared with people that are no longer present in your life to create new memories with?
When was it did we drift away from these people? I’m not talking about those people who were acquaintances, but rather those that you use to talk to everyday, share unforgettable moments that were filled with smiles and laughter, and was once one of the biggest part of your life.
Why or what cause us to drift so far away from these people that we just stopped talking or seeing them that they just become another stranger when reality states you once knew everything about them? Did we walk away from someone because of a fight, or was it more natural in parting ways because you took different paths in your guys lives leading to distance?
Isn’t it odd that when we look back at our lives, we will remember thousands of faces that were once such a big part and has changed our lives only to not know where they have ended up. To know that at one point of our lives, we saw, talked, or said goodbye to someone without knowing that it would be for the last time. Can you even understand why we drift from people we were so close too? Or maybe it’s a reminder to hold on even tighter to those people you care about in your life right now so they don’t just become another stranger from the past.

Where are they now?

We cross paths with people in our lives countless of times. And no matter how amazing or dreadful your time together with them is, most of the them are those who we end up saying goodbye to, drift apart from, or leave each other unnoticed. They become those faded pictures tucked away in albums and boxes, the memories that you can never erase from your mind, or forever forgotten and left in your past.
But where did they all go when you decided to go on a different path then all of them? Those childhood crushes, old friends, tormenting enemies, teachers, and acquaintances that you passed each day in the hallways…where did they end up in their lives? Did they become famous or successful? Are they happy or are they overcome with sadness? Did they fall in love or still searching for it? Are they even still walking on the Earth still? How much has these people that you once known changed from who you once knew them as? Where are they now?

When I met you

Can you think back to that day when you met that stranger that would forever change your life? Can you remember when you first saw that person who would become your best friend or think back to when you encountered that person who you would end up falling heads over heels for? I don’t think any of us could have ever predicted or expected that one random day could have been so life altering.
It took that one moment. A coincidence of paths colliding; an meeting due to pure chance and luck; or maybe fate and destiny working in an mysterious ways for this stranger to have just become something so much more to you. And when you first met, how could you have ever believed that this person was someone you would make new memories with and end up caring for rather than just another face in the crowd that you would pass by and forget a second later? Can you remember when you first met your friends or that person you eventually love like no other? 

The most important stranger

Can you believe that someone you never even met yet will impact your life like no other past or present can? That there is a stranger right now out there in the world who will one day be the reason for those idiotic smiles whenever you think of them, your heart suddenly skipping a beat, your breath being taken away, and those sleepless nights when all you want to do is talk to them no matter how tired you are.
Someone that you have never talked to before will one day be the person you will want to talk constantly too. Someone that you may have never seen before will be the person that you will one day want to see constantly just so you can look deep into their eyes. Someone that you have never spent one second with before will one day be the person you will want to spend forever with.
There is a stranger somewhere out there; the most important stranger that you have yet to meet. This stranger will one day be your everything. Your soul mate. The one you will intrust your heart too. The one you that you won’t believe you ever lived without. Whether you believe in destiny or coincidence, this most important stranger is the one the you end up falling helplessly in love for.

Who are you?

Can you answer that question? And no, please stop yourself before you say I’m ___________ and state whatever your name is, because that isn’t what I’m trying to ask. I’m not trying to ask who you are in front of your friends, family, acquaintances, enemies, or strangers, because we will act different to every single person we meet. I’m asking who are you when you finally put down those masks you naturally put on to deceive everyone you face each day. Who are you when you are in deep thought finally putting yourself vulnerable because you’re in deep solidarity?
Who are you when you finally your true self? Are you a person whose in a blink of giving up after being scarred by life’s tribulations when you take of your mask that makes you seem courageous and fearless? Are you a person whose heart is broken and fragile beneath a mask of a smile so no one knows the pain you truly feel? Are you a philosopher when you’re no longer hidden allowing a million thoughts race through your mind, only wearing a mask because you fear that you’ll be ridiculed and humiliated if others knew your true self. Are you a are person who is missing people of your past who puts on an intimidating mask to push people away so you don’t get even hurt by someone else leaving your life? Are you a person who is completely a stranger to the person you pretend to be when all you’re masks are on?
Who are you when you are yourself? And who is everyone else…the people you love, the people you hate, the people you hardly know when their masks are off and are themselves and vulnerable? Could it be that everyone is more similar then we can even imagine..or could it be that people are even more brilliant, more scared, more courageous, more strong, more sad, more pained, more happy, more amazing then just meets the eye? Tell me, who are you?

86 400

86 400. That’s the amount of seconds there is in one day. 2 629 744. That is the amount of seconds in an average month. 31 556 926. And that’s the amount of seconds there is in a year. One year out of the many you’ll end up living through as you grow from just child, to a teenager, to an adult.
In those 31 556 926 seconds that you manage to go through, how fast do you think it takes for your life to change? Would it even be surprising to tell you that only 1 second would be enough for your world to change? It only takes one second to be walking down the street and catching the eye of someone you hardly know…who could end up being the one you end up giving your heart too. It only takes one second to to just smile at a moment that would be one of those everlasting memories that you can never erase. It only takes one second for a last breath to be taken as the world shows it cruelty of taking those who means the most to us away.
Each day, there are 86 000 chances that you will encounter something or someone that will help define the other 31 556 926 seconds in a year. Every moment you are feeling down and feel unhappy, remember that it only takes second for your life for the better. And every moment you’re happy or in love, make sure that you cherish every second because you never know when you can lose that feeling.

The awkward encounters

The awkward encounters. You know, those moments where you run into an ex, an old best friend that you had a huge fight with, or a enemy you just really dislike or hate. At these moments you really don’t know what to do. Sure in your mind you may have this perfect plan for how everything should play out, but rarely does that come into fruition. But what do you do when you just happen to run into someone that you never really wanted to see, or if you did, really don’t know what to do or say as you get tongue tied.
Would you walk pass them, pretending no one was there, especially someone who was an significant part of your life? You would avoid them completely and in turn, sway away from even more awkwardness, keeping them only as a ghost of a past that was never to interfere with your present or future.
Would you do one of those mouths half open while almost waving stance before walking away because you were unsure of what to do? Part of you wanting talk to them while the other part wanting to just get out of there as fast as possible. Part of you wanting to relive the past while the other part has no words to say and is ready to move on.
Would you actually go up to that person, but treat them as a stranger? Trying to forget the past and the series of events that caused you two drift apart and look for something fresh…a start of something new.
Would you talk to them as you always have? Hoping for a resolution or maybe some closure for yourself and them. Remembering they were once part of your life…and no matter what you do will be ever ingrained in your memory and who you are.
The awkward encounters…what would you do?

Start all over

Sometimes I get indulged with the idea of just leaving everything in my life behind and going somewhere where no one knows who I am. I’m curious about what it would be like to just let go of all my problems and to get away from all my mistakes, insecurities, and my past and just start all over. I want to see what I could do and accomplish and with a new beginning.
I could finally be anyone I wanted to be without my old reputation holding me back. I would be able to meet new people while letting go of those who have hurt me and given me enough sadness to last a life time. And in a place where I haven’t made any mistakes or gotten hurt in yet, I think that taking risks would be so much easier.
Sometimes I just want to be given that chance to try to live that life I always wanted; That chance to start all over again.

Fairy tales

Once upon a time, a lot of us grew up witnessing fairy tales unfold before our eyes through magical screens and through pages and pages tucked away in books. We grew up believing in and wanting our own happily ever afters. We dreamt of one day living the rest of their lives incredibly happy with someone who make our hearts skip a beat and makes us smile unlike no other person can. We believed that one day, the stories we’re a part of would turn in to our own fairy tales, and we would one day meet our Prince Charming or Cinderella.
Somewhere in life though, many of us grew up and became hesitant to believe in happily ever afters and one day we opened our eyes and realize those dreams we once had just faded away. And reality causes us to be cynical and scoff at how naive we once were to have dreamt  for something that now seems like an impossibility. We let go of the concept of fairytales, for we let life defeat us in thinking it is not and will not ever be a fairy tale.
But tell me what’s wrong with dreaming for something amazing. What’s wrong with wanting to be like Cinderella and believing that love is not prejudiced no matter how much life brings your down and hopeless it seem. What’s wrong with wanting to be like Beast and believe that no matter how ugly you feel, the beauty inside you will shine through and love can prevail. Heck, what’s wrong with being Shrek and believing even when you feel like you’re not worth it and no one can love you, you can totally wrong and still be loved.
So just because you’re growing up, don’t let let your dreams fade and stop believing in fairy tales. Cause even though they are such a rarity and it seems like this world is too cruel to let such a thing come true, we should never stop dreaming to be happy. And one day, you’ll meet someone who will help you believe in fairy tales all over again and you will live happily ever after.

Love

Romeo & Juliet. Clark & Lois. Seth & Summer. Jack & Rose. Lucas & Peyton. Cory & Topanga. Darcy & Elizabeth. Landon & Jamie. Noah & Allie. Troy & Gabriella. Jullian & Brooke. Beast & Belle. Edward & Bella. Shrek & Fiona. Ron & Hermonie. Ross & Rachel. Cinderella & her Prince.
Maybe you recognize these some of these names; maybe you recognize all of these names. Maybe these were the relationships you watch blossomed in front of you on the silver or tv screen allowing yourself to be indulged in the thought of being in love. To find someone who fits you perfectly in every single way that it seems like it was meant to be. We find ourselves searching for that one person that will share something so pure and true with us.
How could we not want it? To look deep into someones eyes and be able to understand their thoughts with out saying a single word; it is as if your hearts and souls are communicating. To gravitate towards someones arms so naturally that once your there, it’s as if it is where you should of always been. . To find yourself having the silly smile whenever you talk or around that person, because you know that even if it’s for just a second, they have given you a moment of happiness that will forever be unmatched.
We want to find that one person whose silly quirks makes our heart skip a beat. Who you can consider as your best friend, can make you laugh when no one else can,  can make you feel special even when you feel worthless, and who loves you for who you are and sees your ‘flaws’  as part of what makes you beautiful. They make you brave with the feeling of invincibility as long as they are by your side. They make you into a better person.
And even though this one person makes you feel vulnerable as you give the entirety of your heart to them, you’re not truly afraid that they will steal it or break it, because you trust them that they will protect it till their last breath as you would with theirs.
Maybe you have this already, maybe one day you will. Just never give up on love.

I want to believe

I want to believe in true love; a love so wonderful and powerful that it will last forever. A happily ever after that won’t end in divorce, in heartbreak. I want to believe that growing up doesn’t mean giving up the things you love for the old mundane. I want to believe in the type if kindness with no strings attached and no expectations of something in return. I want to believe in passion and drive. In compassion and respect. I want to believe in the triumph of good over evil; in the existence of justice. I want to believe that distance will make love grow, not disappear. That distance will make the heart grow fonder, not weaker. I want to believe in honesty and loyalty, in faith and in hope. I want to believe in forgiveness, in fate, and in destiny. But most of all, I want to believe in happiness. I want to believe that at the end of the day, we can find a reason to smile; a reason to be happy, even if for just a second.
even if for just a second.

Love at first sight

 Do you believe in love at first sight?
I mean how could you believe in such non-sense, right? The whole concept of it is just ridiculous.
As I understand it, love is known or believed to be the greatest thing the human heart and soul could feel. A lot of people see love as the most difficult thing to obtain at times. Some people even search most of their lives for love and never find it.
So how could one second, just one glance, and one moment make you fall in love? It can’t be possible can it? But I wasn't proven wrong...

I never really believed in love at first sight, until I wondered:

What does a mother feel when she sees her baby for the first time?

The past seems so distant now

The other day I ended up just walking around my old elementary and junior high school, and all I could think about was how the world was so much smaller then I remembered. It’s weird to go back to a place where so many memories have occurred and to see how much has changed since leaving it all behind so many years ago.It was weird having faint memories come rushing back to me. To know that at one point of my life, these were places which I constantly went to day in and day out. That this world that once was so vastly huge and new to me, now felt so small now that I have grown up at these now aging places. It was weird going around the playground where I once just a kid playing on it during recess time. It was weird looking at fields where I played soccer or just ran around or made snow forts with friends with. It was weird remembering certain places where certain events happened in my life that can’t ever seem to be erased in my mind. And it was weird to even to think that I could be standing in the same place I was standing in years ago, when I never knew what the future could bring. On those last days of school, I was just excited to leave and get ready for the next part of my life, never realizing that I was officially closing a chapter in my life. I never realized that I was never going to come back to walk through those hallways ever again that I walked in every day there was school. And if I did manage to go back, every would be too different. Though it was the same schools, you realize how many more hundreds of kids walked through it after you. How many more memories from other people were made and how you’re only part of the history of those places; hardly remembered. Thing change and I know that. But I never truly knew how quickly they managed to do that before. But if you ever go to a place you rarely visited since your childhood, you might realize how far we all came since we were kids learning math for the first time or outside for recess. And to know how much covered in such a short period of time, you realize how many memories, people, and things await you in the future just as there are in the now distant past.

Do you miss it?

Don’t you miss it? You know, when you were just a little kid and you believed in the fantasy of what your world could be. For girls, there was the white dress with Prince Charming carrying off to the castle on the hill to live happily ever after. For guys, it was to be a hero that could leap tall buildings in single bound while being faster then a speeding bullet. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes,and have complete and utter faith that all your dreams would come true. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and your Prince Charming or Cinderella were so close to you that you could taste them; But eventually you grow up one day to only open your eyes and realize of the fairy tales have disappeared. Most people begin to turn to the things that they can trust and see for their own eyes. But the thing is, it’s hard to let go of a fairy tale entirely because almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true.

Time flies

Remember when you would hear “Time Flies” or “Life goes by in a flash” from teenagers and adults when you were younger? At the time, you probably could not of comprehended what they meant or completely understood how true and non-exaggerated those statements were. How could you? Fifteen minute recesses of playing soccer or talking with friends seemed like hours. Thirty minutes of classes where it seemed like you got a lot done seemed to take forever. Six years of your life in elementary just seemed carefree and it seemed like it was going to last for an eternity.
But as you grow up, you come to realize how scares time truly is. Junior high passes by quicker then elementary did, and high school literally goes by so fast that it feels like you have only just begun, when in reality, you are saying your final goodbyes to people you’ve been with for three years or more during graduation. The memories you have obtained become blurred, comparative to the view outside the window while in a car moving 100 kilometres per hour on the highway.
As I grow older and older, I have no doubt in my mind that I will be the one reiterating what I have heard so many times before, that “Time Flies” and “Life goes by in a flash” to the youth, only surely to be ignored or to be thought to be exaggerating the truth. But I’ll know that it is far from exaggerated. Time is precious. We can not waste time worrying in the midst of depression, anger, disappointments, regrets and stress, because in the end, it might be to late to realize how lucky we are just to be alive… to have the friends and family that we do have. We must not let time become a cruel thief, robbing us of our former selves; that young innocent version of ourselves that we once were who just enjoyed life. While there is still time, no matter how quickly it passes us by, let us enjoy it.

Little "accidents" of fate

Is it not completely mind blowing to see how all the choices that we’ve made up until this point, even the small ones that we don’t even have to think about, has caused this onset of a ripple effect in our lives, that has affected us so drastically? What if tomorrow, you choose to go to a different Starbucks? Or take a different path to school? Or take someone’s shift at work, or better yet, call in sick so you can embark on an adventure at the park because the sun’s out and it’s a beautiful day? What if as fate and destiny would have it, you were in the right place at the right time and you accidentally meet someone who will change your entire life?Your life is made up of thousands and thousands of little accidents all of which occur because of your choices and your decisions. All these accidents or little incidents that you might not even think twice about all eventually click into place. These minuscule “unimportant” events that occur throughout your day will all eventually serve a bigger purpose in your life. These mysterious little works of fate all play a role in who you meet, who you fall in love with, who you choose to associate yourself with, who you become, and most importantly who you are.

A ghost of our former self

There’s a point in our lives where we realized ‘things changes’. Somewhere in the timeline of our lives we have met people that forever changed who we are, faced hardships and tragedies that changed our perspectives of life, and gained experiences of failures, sadness, and heartbreak that makes us lose faith in the concept of happily ever afters.
And when we think about who we were before, we are faced with this stranger…this ghost of our former selves. Sometimes it’s hard to imagine that we were once just kids whose biggest problems was winning beating gym leaders on Pokemon while playing the Game boy. We use to be those kids who would get our clothes dirty while running on a field during recess. We use to have all this time in the world to dream up fantasies of extraordinary things while not quite having to face the harsh world just yet. And we use to just be kids who had every possibility still ahead of them.
I don’t think anyone really expected that they would end up where they did, whether or not it’s a good or bad thing. But I’m sure many of us would love to be reacquainted with our ghosts, just to remember what it was like just before time seem to accelerate and we were thrust into facing the ‘real world’.

Alien

I use to believe that I wore a mask for those wandering eyes that would stare at me throughout a day. A mask of a fake smile and a calm facade to deceive everyone from seeing what’s truly underneath. It was a way so no one could see the desperation on my face as I tried to cut the metal chains that held onto tightly me so I would not be able to escape from the past that terrorizes me. It hid of how fearful I was of the demons that haunted me and the fear of my world changing. The mask I thought I wore made sure that world didn’t see how confused, lost, and sad I was most days.
But as I finally reached up to remove this mask of mine that I have wore for too long, I realize that it’s no longer there. Whether it fallen off without me noticing or fake smile had become part of my real face, I am more confused than ever before. For I no longer know who I am. Am I that person who I thought I was hiding beneath a mask all this time or have I in fact become the mask itself. Or in some twisted way, from trying to hide everything I am, did I mistakenly misplaced my true identity making it forever lost. Now I feel like an alien, where no one understands me like I don’t understand myself.

We're suppose to have tomorrow

We’re suppose to have tomorrow. To wake up in the morning and have a second chance on everything that we have forgotten, were too lazy, or too scared to have done the day before. 
Maybe we have taken today for granted, expecting that there is guarantee of tomorrow in a world filled with uncertainty. But what guarantee is there that you’ll have tomorrow to tell someone you love them? Or to tell someone you’re proud of them? Tell me, can you be sure that you’ll have tomorrow to say you’re sorry, to take a unbelievable risk, or just to live life for one last time?
We’re suppose to have a tomorrow, but life doesn’t always give us what we want, but rather robs us of it. So take advantage of right now, and do everything and anything while you still have the chance too.

The people we stumble upon

During our search for love, trying to achieve our goals and dreams, or walking through life aimlessly, we stumble upon a  few people who unexpectedly become a bigger part of our live than anticipated.
These are the people who you aren’t afraid to share secrets with. Unforgettable memories are created with these people. And somehow, at one point, the lucky few of them become part of your family without even being blood related.
There will be times when we find ourselves fighting with these people. We will drift away from a lot of them as we take different directions in our lives. Sometimes, we will even take each other for granted. But there will be those special few will remain part of your life until your last breath is taken.
Reality is, something special and amazing happened when you met them. Two completely random strangers out seven billion people shared a bond that changed both of their lives. These people are the ones who helped defined you, picked you up when you were down, had hearts to hearts with when you felt just like talking, made you smile when you thought you couldn’t more, and made getting in trouble worth it as it was something you could both laugh at. These are the people you are lucky enough to call your friends.

Take a chance

Here’s the truth: life is unexpected and will a lot of times it will not go the way we want it too. We will fail a lot more times then we can count, we will get let down by those people who you thought would do you no wrong, and we will probably get our hearts broken at least once in our lives. And when you think about that, it’s so easy why so many of us are afraid of taking a risk in the fear of the world knocking you down one more time and not knowing if you will be able to get back up like you did the million times before.
But don’t let all that stop you from taking a chance; from taking a leap of faith that the next risk you take could work out in your favour. I’m not going to say that you won’t fail again, or get hurt, or even regret what you did…but the reason why these risks are so worth it because in the end of the day, we know it’s what we want. And no matter what the outcome, at least you would know that you did something that would lead you to happiness.
So tell or ask out that person you like so much. Follow crazy dreams to be whoever you want to be. Take that chance. Take that leap, and enjoy the ride down of not knowing how things will work out, but knowing that with no risk, there is no reward.

Have you ever stopped to watch the world pass you by?

As you stand still in silence, you will observe a world accustomed to believing that time is too precious to waste, as people rush towards towards their destinations.
And this moment when you bear witness to this world you have always been apart of , you may see people going to work or finally coming home.
You might see someone that’s running late, or maybe they’re running towards dreams and ambitions, or maybe they’re running scared away from their fears and failures.
There might be people you see that could be lost, trying to find their way, or maybe even trying their selves.
Some of them are good people struggling with evil, while others are evil in a struggle with themselves.
As you continue to look around you, there will be smiles masking a tortured soul and monsters that lives deep within; And there will be people who are frustrated, and who are unsatisfied…barely getting by.
For everyone you see who is in love, you will find another feeling like their living a lie, and some people are courageous for their willingness to face another day. Everyone that passes by have their problems, still living life.
And the moment you stop watching this world go by you, just be aware that there are over 6 billion more souls wandering this Earth that you haven’t seen. There’s always a moment in our lives where we feel all alone and need a little help sometimes. This is the time where you should think back to this moment where you just watched the world pass you by, because then you will realize how many people are going through the same battle you’re going through; That you’re not alone and maybe someone or something will find you and will make it all okay.

What happens when it all ends?

Have you ever wondered what happens after you take your final breath and your eyes close for the very last time? What kind of mark you will leave on this earth when you finally leave it?  What kind of mark you will leave in the hearts and souls of other human being when it all end?
I mean lets say it all ended unexpectedly…how many people would know that you’re no longer around. Would those people have you added on facebook even know that you’re gone? Or would you just remain as a “friend” on their list of someone they once known who is just absent from updating your profile and statuses. When you stop blogging or telling the world what’s happening on twitter, would people even question what has happened to you or just assume that you became uninspired, been overcome with boredom, or just too busy with life itself.
And for those people who know that you’re no longer living; how many other those faces will be over come with tears and have a feeling of an indescribable sadness? What words would be said about you by those whose lives you impacted? And what kind of legacy would you be leaving behind?
Would people regret not telling you things before it was too late? Would enemies cheer out loud or regret not working things out with you before it no longer could? And what happens the days after..the weeks after…and the years after you’re gone?
It’s weird thinking about it isn’t it?..thinking about what happens when it all end.

Someone else's eyes

Do you ever wonder what your life looks like through someone else’s eyes? Do they admire you or even notice you? Are they jealous or feeling sorry for you? Can they see past the persona that you wear and see who you truly are or are they being tricked by the mask you use to deceive the world?
Do people think that your happy when you put on a fake smile hiding pain and sadness? Are people judging you because of what you wear or look like before even getting to know you? In other peoples eyes, does it look like you have your life all together when truth is that you’re lost and confused? Do people truly understand what you’re going through that head of yours, or are you just an enigma to everyone who sees you.
Do you ever wonder what your life looks like through someone else’s eyes? Do they think they have you all figured out? Or does everyone have it wrong not fully grasping the complexity that is you.

5 minutes

What would happen if you just discovered that we had only five minutes left before it was just all over. That there was only five more minutes to say all that we wanted to say and do all that we wanted to do. What would you do? What would you say? What would be your final moments if you only had five minutes left to live?
Can you even begin to think about it? Would you be running to your family to tell them you love them and spend your last few moments with them? Or would you rather be with your friends? Would you finally tell that person you have hidden your feelings for so long that you love them? Or would you feel like it is finally to late to say a thing?
Five minutes. That’s all you had left. Tell me, would you just wait silently until it was all over? Or would your mind be spinning of the life you had, with flashback after flashback reoccurring inside your head?
Four minutes. That’s all you had left. Who would you be trying to call as phone lines are busy with countless of people trying to make one last phone call as well? Or would you be making that last ditch effort to be with someone in your last moments…to kiss them or hug them for the last time.
Three minutes. That’s all you had left. Tell me, do you believe what is happening? Or are you too shocked to believe that everything you has ever know is about to vanish forever to believe such a fact.
Two minutes. That’s all you had left. Are your praying? Or are you talking to the people that surround you? Are you trying to ask forgiveness for all the things you have done wrong in your life or too preoccupied with regret of the things that are now too late to be done.
One minute. Tell me, with one minute left, what would you be thinking? Thirty seconds. Are you crying that it’s almost over or smiling of a life well spent? Ten seconds. You look around, breath, and feel alive for the last few seconds. Three. Two. One…. and it’s all over. Tell me, what would you do if you only had five minutes left?

What did I think about?

Sometimes I wonder what I was thinking about when I was younger. What ideas and concepts were rushing through my mind. And most of all,  what I thought my future would be like; if it even came close to what it is like right now. Time just moved so cunningly and quickly that at one moment we were just kids dreaming about who we want to be and what we want to do, and the next moment were all grown up in this ‘real world’.
I mean, did I think life would be like the ones on TV where I would be going to the biggest parties? Maybe I thought that I would of found ‘the one’ already. It’s even possible that as a kid, I thought maybe I would have life figured out already, and not be as lost and confused as I am sometimes.
More importantly, I wonder if these younger versions of ourselves, who had such amazing and big dreams about the future, would be proud of who we eventually turned into. If we would be alright knowing that life didn’t go according to plan. Maybe we would be disappointed in it all and substitute wanting to grow up to being forever young. Or maybe, we would laugh at how wrong we were about the future, and how life is a constant unpredictable adventure.

What if?

How can two simple words put together like that be so haunting to ones life? I mean, what if I went up to that person I liked, and wasn’t shy? What if  I studied more for a test…would I have succeeded? And what if I didn’t drifted from those friends who were once my world? It makes you shudder how much different life could be.
Looking back at everything, it’s easy to pick out parts of life where we would want to change. The truth is that not so long ago, I wanted that happily ever after. To have that perfect life where everything was just right. I think I was too occupied on having this perfect life, that I forgot to just enjoy it. Instead, I kept questioning on how it could of been better, or saying how life sucks, or just losing faith in everything that I should of believed in.
So here’s a reminder. Stop asking yourself what if. And when there are days when your whole life feels like hell, don’t do the easy this by letting it bring you down but try to look for the good things within that bad day. The truth is, the worst day that you’ll ever will be when you wake up one day and reflect back on everything and realize that you were too preoccupied with the bad, that you didn’t have the time to enjoy those little good things in your life that you had….that you just let it pass you all by. So be happy and enjoy life, because never to late too.

Capturing a moment

One picture can be equivalent to a thousand, no, make that a million words. One click of a button and a moment becomes frozen within time as the picture itself becomes the gateway to flooding memories when seen by older and wiser eyes years afterwards.
If you’re able to, look through your computer or in albums for pictures long forgotten. Look through photo albums that are slowly gaining dust upon itself. You’ll see a story that you were once a part of unfold before your eyes. One where you smiled. One where you were with people you loved…at that moment. You’ll witness places you’ve been that you know longer remember. And you’ll see a face that is looking at the camera…a face belonging to you.
And you’ll see how much has changed since that one click of a button that captured it all. Way back then you didn’t realize that as each day went by, nothing seemed to change. That everything seemed to remain the same. But change was happening right before your eyes, and the evidence of it all became neatly tucked away in a picture.
In life, we live through a series of moments that continually differ from each other. It’s just weird to know that one day when we look back at it all, how sudden and gradual each moment changed that we didn’t even know it was happening till years later.

Make a wish

Didn’t we all make a wish at one point of our lives, just for that small chance that our deepest desires may come true? You know all those times when you see a shooting star above you in the majestic sky, or the countless times you blew out those flickering candles on top of your birthday cake, or when you managed to look at the time when it was exactly 11:11; At all those times, what wish did you end making?
If you had that chance at this very moment for a wish to come true, what wish would make? Would it be for fame and fortune? Would you be wishing for world peace? Maybe it was for someone you cared about to get better? And I know for many people who are reading this, the first thought that came in their mind, was to use their wish up to find ‘the one’ or to be forever with that one person they think about constantly.
We all want an abundant of things in our lives. But if we had one wish to have one of those things come true, what would it be? Think deeply about. What do you desire more then anything else in this world. What wish do you want to come true? Thought of something. Good. Then make that wish, because you never know if it will come true.

In 24 hours

Do you believe a single day can change your life from the moment the sun rises to it being replaced by the moon rising? That in 24 hours your entire world can be turned upside down then how it is right now? Maybe you will be happier, maybe sadder, or may just feel exactly the same as you feel at this moment.
But just imagine, today could be the day that changes everything. Today could be the day where you run into ‘the one’ who will steal your heart and take your breath away. It could be one of those days ‘you’ll never forget’ as it will forever stay with you in your memories. It could be because you just spent a great time with friends and family or maybe it will be unforgettable because you spent the day with the one person you love. You could learn something new, meet new people, and be inspired. It could be on this day where your dreams come true and life seems and feels perfect. 
But maybe it will be a day you’ll want to forget. I know first hand that it only takes a day to lose a friend after a fight. Maybe this is the day where tears will fall and you begin to lose hope. In 24 hours, you may finally get sick and tired of being sick and tired of the obstacles of life. Maybe you will lose someone close to you’re heart and maybe you’ll feel the excruciating pain of an broken heart a day from now. It could be on this day where you will feel like you’re fighting a hopeless fight against the world in struggle.
In 24 hours, whether you’ll be smiling or crying, life can change a lot. Heck, you can’t even say for sure you’ll be here in twenty four hours. A close friend once told me: A second ago was the past, in a second from now will be the future, and what use to be the future will be the past, in just about a second. Truth is, things can change as fast as a second let alone a day. So, even though you probably heard this countless of times already, live each day to the fullest. Life is unexpected, but know that even though each day can change who you are and how you feel, it’s also means that each day there is a chance to be happy. All this in 24 hours.

Do you remember?

Do you remember when everything wasn’t so complicated? Those days in the classroom during elementary where all you had was time ahead of you to be great. Or those days hanging out with friends where happiness came at ease with the laughter of loved ones and many good times and memories being made. Or that one day when you graduated and finally said goodbye to the hollowed halls of high school you walked through each day. Didn’t it seem so easy way back then? To have our lives ahead of us: to be great, to fall in love, to be loved, and especially to be happy. 
But when did life stop being so forgiving? When did everything seemingly become so difficult, changing us from kids ready to take on the world to teenagers and adults fearing the weight of it all? Is it that experiences of heart break, anger, evil, and failures break the hopes and dreams that we once had? Or is it that we come to accept that perfection isn’t always found within reality in turn allowed fairy tales and happily ever afters fade from our minds.
Or maybe it’s just everything being less complicated in the past is just a figment of our imagination. Every part of our lives have difficulties. Every part of our lives has smiles masking away tears, monsters and demons struggling to get out, and a stress and sadness forgotten as time moves on. And as we look at the past, we have the ability to remember our happiness and everything we love and forget what has pained us for things eventually got better and made you stronger. So take a look at your life right now, it may seem tough, but one day it will get better and you’ll looking at this part of live with envy at when everything seemly was easy.
And that’s the most important part: things will get better. It may not mean much just reading that as you long for the past or feel like giving up. But maybe it will give you some hope, that no matter how much life brings you down, our past has thought us how amazing and beautiful our lives are when we look back at it all.

The definition of love

How do you define love? Or do you even believe in such a concept? And if you were to ask what love meant to a random face that passed you by on the streets, how much would their answer differ from your own?
Do you believe love is sudden and truly as magical for it to occur as quick as first sight? Or does it happen gradually, needing time to grow from a friendship to something more like a seed needs time to turn into something as magnificent and beautiful as a flower?
Would your definition of love involve fighting to win someones heart endlessly for as long as time permits? Or would it mean letting the person you love go down a path of happiness even when their ‘happily forever after’ does not include you?
To you, is love strong and important enough to overcome every obstacle life manages to throw at you? Or does it still need the support of money, looks, and the good life?
And as you try to find your definition of love, do you find yourself even more confused then you were when you started reading these very words as more questions seem to arise? Would know if you were in love the moment you felt it or is it something that has to hit you in the face over and over again before you realize that you are feeling something every soul on Earth yearns for? Is love meant for ‘the one’ that you were always meant to be with it, or could it just develop with anyone you feel compatible with? Does the person you love have to have similar interests as you, or is it true that opposites attract? Does love involve looks, or does it give you the ability to look pass a persons exterior and into their soul?
If you have continued reading these words that lay before your eyes, then you should of just realized how many different definitions of love their are. And you may even question how are you suppose to find something that you can’t completely or maybe at all understand. How is it possible to want and search for love so badly when it’s so undefinable and indescribable?
But maybe that’s what makes love so great…that to fully understand what it is…to fully appreciate this thing you searched all your life for…and to fully define it for yourself… you must feel it for yourself within your heart and soul.
So, how do you define love?

Do you believe in destiny?

Do you believe in destiny? Fate? Or the other million things that you can call it? Or do you believe that we create our own destiny through the choices we make throughout life?
If you are reading these very words right now, I want you to be honest with yourself and answer that one question: Do you believe in destiny?
Have you answered it? Good; but the reality is that you may never know if your answer was correct or not.
See, part of me is terrified if there is such a concept of fate and destiny. It would be frightening to think that the choices that I have made and will make in the future were already predetermined and I never really had a choice about how my life was going to end up. That every heart break, sadness, and anger that has consumed my soul over the years was always going to happen and I had no control of the steering wheel on this crazy journey call life. And part of me doesn’t want me to have a destiny, because I know it’ll end up only as another part of my arsenal of excuses to use to not try as hard as I can at something.
But on the other end, how could I not want to believe in a fate? I mean our fantasies and fairy tales are dependent on them aren’t they? That there is truly ‘the one’ out there just awaiting us. Or maybe that the person you have fallen for was just meant to be all along. And that maybe there is a reason out there for us; That we have purpose that is unknowingly binding it time until we reach our destiny. It’s odd isn’t it, to think about having a destiny and being excited that there is a path already drawn out for us to maybe have our own happily ever afters.
But back to the question: Do you believe in destiny? Or do you believe that we make our own destiny by the choices we make?
For me, I believe in both. I believe that we have a destiny but just different paths to get there. That the choices we do make do matter and will ultimately decide how fast we reach our destiny and if in the end will decide if we will happily embrace our destiny or not.
So what do you believe in?

Possibilities

Have you wondered the many possibilities one day can have for you from the moment you wake up to the time you fall back asleep? I mean, it can almost be certain that our days won’t turn out as we expect, but rather will surprise us. In one day, our whole world could change right before our eyes by the choices we make or maybe through destiny.
Through pure chance or fate, you could meet that person who will be more important to your life than you could ever of imagined. You can be inspired by the unexpected that will affected how you few life from here on out. And if you’re lucky enough, maybe in this particular day, you will be able to make a memory that will last a lifetime that will always make you smile.
So look forward to everyday that you wake up. Because even in the darkest times when all you expect is the worse, there are a million possibilities that can change that in an instant. Life’s funny that way, where even when we think we have it all figured out it will always surprise us in ways we can’t even dream of.

Nostalgic

Have you ever just heard an old song, looked at a photograph taken of yourself years ago, or just had a flashback to a memory that you thought was forgotten and felt a desire to find a way to go back in time? To find a way back when things just seemed a little bit simpler and our future just seemed a bit more brighter?
Don’t you ever wonder when was it exactly did we closed a chapter in our lives and grew a little bit older? Or when was it the last time we said goodbye to those faces we saw in those hallways filled with lockers or to the people that meant so much to us in what seems like another life time ago?
When did a moment become something that just happened yesterday to one you wish you could relive? When did those old birthday or graduation or random photos of ourselves become unrecognizable strangers to us? How is it that years and years of growing and gaining experience made us end up in the places we are now? How did time manage to pull a fast one on us and made accelerate to a future while making us forget the past that we yearn for? How can we be so young and already be so nostalgic?

The mask we wear

We all wear a mask concealing our true identity; We easily turn into greatest actors and actresses in the attempt to deceive those who surround our very lives.
The mask we wear disguises much more then the face underneath it, but it hides who we truly are inside and protects our soul from being tainted and torn in shreds by the harsh judgement of others.
The smiles and laughter we display are clever devices hiding our pains and sorrows we carry within us. While the tears and heart break displayed for all to see only show the thin cracks of the mask we wear, allowing small portion of how we truly ache inside be seen from observers quietly watching for you to reveal yourself. And the choices and actions that we make are altered to be deemed adequate by our friends, family, and the strangers that seemingly enters our life. As the people get to know you, they are unknowingly are lied to, becoming friends with the illusion you created for them to see.
We continue pick from the array of masks we have, never deciding to wear nothing at all, leaving ourselves completely vulnerable. And sometimes, we wear our mask for too long, forgetting that we even had it on. One day we will look at a mirror and realize that we don’t know the person who is staring back. We will learn that the mask we have wore for so long became our true face, and the one underneath that has been to afraid to be shown to the world has become our true disguise. That it was hidden for so long that we have even forgotten the person we once truly were, and we’ll be afraid to know who we once were ourselves.
We all wear masks. I guess we just have to be brave enough to remove it one day.

Sheer coincedence or Fate?

Have you ever wondered how in the world some people have made it into your life? Was it coincidence that you met your best friend because you were placed in the same class or was it because of something more? Was it due to random chance that you met someone that you share a bond with that you could never imagine sharing with anyone else? Is life just a series of unplanned events of sheer coincidences that causes you to meet those people who have big parts of your life, face tragic events that have helped define you as a person, or caused you to be at a certain place at a certain time when something forever changes your life?
Or could fate really exist? Could our destinies be already set and we are just seeing it through? Really, what were the chances of being reacquainted with someone from the past years later and them eventually becomes your closest friend? Could fate be responsible for all the events leading up to you getting lost to class and meeting a person in an otherwise empty hallway that you end up falling for? Could these unexplained events in our lives that can only be described as “life changing” and surprising be pure chance? Are they sheer coincidence or fate?

Rewind, pause, and fast forward

Time doesn’t have a rewind button to go back to moments when everything seemed a thousand times easier. And there is no such thing as a pause button to avoid the transition of growing up from these little kids to teenagers to these older adult versions of ourselves. If anything, it may seem like the fast forward button of time is jammed as life flashes before our eyes and becomes difficult to keep up with.
Why does it seem like just yesterday when we dreamt of being doctors, firefighters, superheroes, princesses, singers, or whatever gigantic dreams emerged from our small selves? How did eventually grow up into people that we never really planned to be, without even realizing it? Did time really go that fast that we hardly had opportunity to say goodbye to our youth before being thrusted into the rest of our lives?
There’s this realization that time waits for nobody. That it will constantly go forward in it’s rapid pace. And it’s our jobs to keep up with it. To make sure we enjoy each moment and move forward with it. That our dreams don’t need to die and be stuck in the past, but it’s our job to keep our dreams alive with us so it’s part of our future. Time moves quickly, and it always has, and probably always will. So we have no excuses to why we’re not taking advantage of every second of it.

What scares you?

Day in and day out, we wake up and put on a brave face when in reality, aren’t we all scared of something? I mean, isn’t this fear that we try so hard to hide what stops us from living life to the fullest or halts us even when we’re tempted to take risks.
What are you afraid of? Could it be as fictitious such as the monsters that linger under your bed or the ghosts that come to haunt you like those in horror movies. Or could your fears stem from experience, where you’re terrified that people always leave or that you would not be able to withstand the brutality of your heart shattering again. Maybe you’re terrified that you won’t ever find the one or be able to do all the things that you have dreamt to do. Are you frightened of death, needles, graveyards, or heights? It’s even possible that your biggest fear is that person you see in the mirror everyday…scared that the demons you have caged up will one day find their way out.
So what scares you? And if you’re able to answer this, then just know that we’re all scared of something whether we’re willing to admit it or not. That no matter what it is that you’re scared of it, to never let it hold you back. It’s scary and ironic to think that one day we will realize that it was our fears that stopped us from living life to the fullest.

Death

Have you ever thought about death before? When and how would you be spending those last few moments of your life. Are you even afraid of taking that final breath in this world?
Chances are, many of us aren’t that frightened of our time ending. Whether it is because we accepted that finality of death is inevitable, it’s difficult to be scared of something that is so  vague and unknown, or maybe it’s cause we just decided to block ourselves from even thinking about it.
Or maybe truth is, we’re all afraid of ‘the end’ without truly admitting it. In a way, maybe we substituted this fear of death with other fears. The fear of not being to accomplish everything you want to do before time runs out. The fear of losing the people we love. The fear of not finding that one person who makes your heart skip a beat before our heart stops beating.
Reality is, in the back of all our minds, we all know that time moves too fast that one day it will be the end. Life’s unpredictable; where when the last word of the last chapter of your story is uncertain. Maybe that’s why it’s so important for us to live each day to the fullest. Because those few seconds before death finally greets us, we want to look back at the life we lived and smile that it was all worth it.

People always leave

People always leave, and for me it seems a constant fact of life that has become inescapable. There have been too many times already where people I’m not quite ready to say goodbye to seem to disappear as if they were the greatest magicians the world has ever witnessed. They leave through the form death, to drifting away, to saying the dreaded goodbye, and sometimes not even letting you know it will last time you see them before they stand up and walk away forever. And honestly, it would be a difficult task to find something that terrifies me more than getting close to people because it seems inevitable  that history will repeat itself and I’ll end up seeing another person walk out of my life no matter how close we may be.
It’s a feeling that you can never get use too. That feeling of being not adequate enough of a reason to keep someone leaves an emptiness that sends a dagger to the soul that is filled with sadness; leaving a scar that never truly heals. And in the darkest part of your mind, you don’t end up questioning what went wrong that caused them to leave, but rather what’s wrong with you that pushed them away?
I guess it’s a reminder that we can’t take those moments we have with people we love for granted, because you don’t really know if it will be your last with them. How we have to leave fearlessly to tell someone how much they mean to us, so you know you won’t be too late and lose your chance when they eventually leave. And maybe through chance, you may run in to that one out of billions who won’t leave. The one you will make you realize that even though sometimes people leave, some will come back and some will make you believe in forever.

Last time

What if in a few seconds the world was about to end? Where there was no warning signs so you would be quick enough to say your final goodbyes to the people you love. Can you remember the last thing that was said or done with those you have encountered with? Not knowing at that time it would be the final thing that was ever done between the two of you?
Can you remember the last kiss you gave that person you have given your heart too? The last conversation you had with them….did they even include the words “I love you”? Can you even remember what you last said to your parents? Did you actually think it would be the last time you would see the people who raised you? Or what was the last thing you did with your friends? Did you say “see you later” really thinking there would be a later?
And it’s odd, but I think when anyone thinks about all that, we realize that we wish we would at least change one thing if that was truly the last time you were with those people. But here’s another question: what makes you a 100% sure that it wasn’t the last time? Never take anything for granted.

Forgotten

Lets admit it: we all have forgotten who we once were. As time cunningly robbed us of our memories as we gradually grew up, we have forgotten what it was like being those kids on playgrounds with less responsibilities. We have forgotten what it is like being young and careless.
As photos begin to fade away and old toys once regularly used begin to settle with dust or thrown away, we echo these events by slowly losing parts of who we were. From being five or six entering into kindergarten, to turning ten years old excited to finally it those double digits in age, to turning ecstatically entering into adulthood at eighteen. These are moments in our lives that we can not take back or relive. Once it passed, though we may remember the moment, we can’t truly rekindle those feelings or thoughts that we had at those times.
We easily fall into this trap of wanting to grow up so quickly and gain this obsession of the future, that it’s easy to forget all that you’ve been through that you become a stranger to your own past. Truth is, sometimes we just need to take a step back from everything and see how far we have come, and to take advantage of right now. To cherish all the feelings, thoughts, and experiences you have right now before they become forgotten.

I'm not perfect

I am not perfect, and I’m not going to pretend I am, not even for a second. I’m not going to be the most intelligent or athletic or charismatic or most good looking person that you’re ever going to meet. I won’t always know the right things to do or be able to say all the right things. Truth is, there are days when I feel like I just stand out in a crowd where everyone notices all my flaws and imperfections. I know that I’ve made mistakes in the past and will continue to make mistakes in the future. There will be days where I’m going to be lost in this gigantic world of ours, times when I’m confused about who I want to be and what I want to do, moments where I just don’t feel good about myself or my life, and in the end, I’ll have regrets of things I know shouldn’t have regrets for.
No, I’m not perfect. But I am who I am. Just like you are who you are. And that is and always will be good enough.

Flawed

I think that there is a time in everyone's life when they look into the mirror and find themselves unhappy with the reflection that is staring back at them. Where our insecurities finally finds a way to make us believe that there is something wrong with us. Where we we start to believe that everyone from our friends to the nameless faces on the streets can see our deformities in appearance and personality, as if someone had put a spotlight on it so others could ridicule and mock. We begin to believe that we are truly flawed.
Voices creep into our heads telling us how inadequate we are. They let us know that we’re too fat, too skinny, not muscular enough, not pretty enough, that we’re too damaged, too weak, too safe, too dangerous, too boring, too immature, too serious…just too much or too little of everything. Even such a thing of being too nice of a person can become a flaw. This voice continually becomes louder until it gets its point across that we are not worth it…that we’re just a mistake and a disappointment to those who should love us the most.
And we strive for this perfection that does not exist in this imperfect world. Truth is, that everyone struggles to completely fit in or make it through life smoothly. Our horrendous experiences and difficult past that makes us feel so damaged and scarred is what defines who you are. The imperfection that we find in our appearances and personalities is what makes us unique and beautiful whether we want to believe it or not. Everyone in the world is flawed in their own ways; But that’s not a bad thing when our flaws could be anything but that to someone else. Where our flaws is just a creation made in our heads to tell us we are not good enough, when reality is that we are already good enough just the way we are. 

It's ok to cry

It’s okay to cry. It’s okay that there are times where you feel weak. It’s even okay to feel damaged and hurt enough that we lose confidence in ourselves or this world at times. It’s okay to scream at the top of your lungs in anguish, feel an hopelessness in the pit of your stomach, and just want to disappear. We’re humans facing a reality of a darken world where  all we can be is lost and fall down to our knees is the readiness to give up.
Sometimes it’s better to admit that you have painful scars hiding behind a personified mask of a smile, for a fake smile is like putting a band-aid on a gunshot wound. In a place where people are killing each other each day, where people are dying and saying goodbye for the last time, where hearts are shattering into broken pieces, and where bad things seem to always happen to good people; you don’t always have to be strong and look perfect as the pain of suffering eats away at you inside.
It’s okay to cry. We already know that the world changes in a instant and life could surprise you and give you happiness the next day; but we’re all still going to have bad days. Sometimes, we need to let out our frustrations and feel sadness so we can eventually move on and appreciate the beauty of when a real smile etches across your face.

Scared

I’m terrified of the future. As optimistic I try to view this world, I know by experience already that life doesn’t always turn out the way we want it too. That there will always be tribulations and unexpected events that will turn our lives upside down and challenge us.
I look around at the biggest people of my life and I’m afraid that they one day won’t be part my life any more. That all I’ll have of them are memories of thinking years ago that they would never leave. It’s scary thinking how my dreams and goals may not come true and I may be one of those people one day struggling to survive and be happy each day. It’s even frightening to think that I won’t find someone that I love and loves me back and I’ll be alone. It’s scary to think that right now might be the best that I may ever feel or will ever have.
And it scary to know how mysterious and unknown the future is. Even though I hate admitting that, I know it will always be in the back of my mind. But it doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t be courageous enough to face the future, because for every negative side of it all, there are positives things that could happen. You could grow old with people you love, your dreams could come true, and the one you always been searching for could finally be found.
You will never know what the future will bring. It’s okay to be scared of it, but always look forward to it. It might turn out all okay in the end.

The worst feeling

The Worst Feeling.
It’s the most painful and depressing feeling in the world to be a witness to your world crumbling apart as you’re helpless to do anything about it. You know as much as you try to grasp on to it, things will eventually change and it will be gone no matter what you do.
These antagonizing moments of knowing something good might be finally be coming to an end is always the worst. Not because you don’t believe something good will be coming next, but rather because you know you will always miss what you had.

Pain

I don’t know if anyone else has ever felt this way before, but when life just puts a number on you and you just finally buckle from it and fall down until you finally hit the ground. And you just feel this pain in your chest where you know your entire world is turning upside down before your eyes. And no matter how much you try to put a fake smile to make this pain disappear, that heavy feeling  comes back and weighs you down; and it just hurts so much when you finally are alone because thoughts just flows through your mind that you much rather have forgotten and erased.
The worst part is how no matter at how you try to look at life, at that very moment, this disparity seems inescapable as if it has you chained down to it’s dungeon walls. This pain numbs you and makes you feel lost with no way back. And you just start believe life is just meant to be like this for you: bitter and lonely. If anyone knows what pain I’m talking about, then you guys know it hurts. And I really wish you get out of this phase or never feel it again. No one deserves to feel like that.

Falling Apart

There are days when it will seem like your whole world is falling apart and you will prefer to hide underneath a blanket rather than face the destruction that is taking place around you. These will be the days when the feeling of  loneliness finally wins its battle against you and you will surrender yourself to tears and anger of what seems like an hopeless situation. And you’ll want to break down without really knowing what you’re breaking down about, other than fact of finally feeling the pain of all the scars you obtained throughout life’s challenges. Without really knowing where to begin to cure the emotional turmoil caused by the weight of this world, you fall to your knees with no intent to get back up again. It will be during these days were you will feel broken.
But it’s important to remember that even though something breaks, it’s isn’t impossible to fix again. It’s important to remember that life is filled with these imperfect moments that seems like dead ends and too difficult to get through, but it’s worth not giving up to see our world rebuilt into something beautiful again. It’s as if these imperfections in life are needed to realize how spectacular and beautiful everything is when things are finally going right. As if life is destroys our world and knocks us down to make room for something better for us to see when we get back up again.